Lunatic

2009-10-26T01:09:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, i need to sleep, i do pray that i'll get a comfortable and peaceful sleep.

Moving on, what if the world isn't what it's all made out to be. What if life was carefree and easygoing. What if all i needed to do was ply my trade from a young and tender age. Oh, imagination, you're getting too extreme in my head. I don't know what's right or wrong now but going out on sunday made my week. The Esplanade, the Carl's Jr, Oh so heavenly. I can't imagine them out of my life, away from me and my endless nagging. Visualizing myself with a new party, a clique, one so unique or stupid to make me fit in, it just seems so far fetched.

I need reassurance, praise, criticism, laughter. I need the people i love. How can one grow being stuck in a chasm of loneliness and self denial? I feel for those who are being taken for granted, for those yet to experience loss, for those forbidden from pursuing their dreams and aspirations.

Music moves me oh so much. Such a simple rhythm, such age old melody and touching counterpoint. Nothing compares to a live performance, the music coursing through one. Too magical, mystifying even.

I digress. All i can do now is to move forward. To face what there is to come and it shall pass, like everything challenging. And i shall remain the eye of the storm, oblivious and peaceful. I hope i'm doing something right.

2009-10-15T01:31:00.003+08:00

Tralalalala. Time sucks. HAHS, what the heck. To state what is occupying my mind.

Studies

Church

Flute

Lan

Too easy. Yawn, i don't know. I'm like not worried about Os and at the same time really scared as heck. Like, i don't want to be the one brooding about in a corner with eyes tearing and knees about to buckle when i receive my results but i still can't/don't want to have the motivation to study, oh the irony. As much as i don't want to let my parents, seniors and friends down, i don't know what i want at this juncture in life. So hard to believe something so mundane like 2 weeks worth of exams can decide one's future. GARRRHHH.

I seem like i'm half hearted in everyday i do nowadays. I'm practicing something i thoroughly abhor, more irony. I'm not really working towards what i want or what i don't. I need somebody to slap my face, hard, to tell me i'm screwing up my future by not doing a thing and watching life go by.

Moving on. Tomorrow or should i say, today is our graduation ceremony and yea, it'll be nostalgic as heck. Bittersweet should be the word. I'd like to thank the teachers, seniors, juniors, classmates, the trials, tribulations and everyone/everything who/that played a part in my growth, here and now. I'd probably be unable to express this in person being the person that i am. I know i'm a changed person after these four years and i want to know that i've changed for the better and that i can make a difference in another person's life. I have loads of thoughts swirling about in my mind so i'm trying to be brief.

I'd like to type a poem now but the song playing is totally distracting so i'm going to give it a miss. I am truly horrible at composing them.

2009-06-07T02:16:00.002+08:00

It's been ages since i last blogged, almost forgotten how. Anyway, i figured out the joys out a phone call. I never really called people for fear of rejection(?), weird excuse but heck. Yea, so when i finally did, it was pretty fulfilling and entertaining. So much more effective than damn msn. I also noticed how people around me have matured, even by a little. People normally wouldn't give a shit really. Been doing DSA recently and i kinda noticed that even though i claim to be affected less by nervousness, it's still omnipresent. Having bout 10 people stare at you doesn't help either.

I complain about my life a lot, but the fact is that i'm awfully blessed. I have food whenever i need it, i have money whenever i ask for it. Compared to people around me, sure i'm not the richest, most fortunate guy around but i can still survive relatively well. RCIY has also opened my eyes in a way. Having people sharing about themselves also showed me how fortunate i've been. I have a complete family, sure they quarrel but they're still together, friends whom i can count on and a passion to pursue. Never again am i going to say life sucks. My life has it's problems, possibly more than most people but those problems, those challenges probably made me a better person.

Back to more mundane matters, Os are coming up in a couple of months and i've yet to start studying. I promised myself i would, and i will, just not yet.

2009-04-09T23:54:00.002+08:00

I really think i've grown. Oh, first thing's first. We got effing GOLD for SYF. Thank God.

Back to the point. I've grown, i dare to voice out my opinions and not be so afraid of another's comments. I'm still afraid, of course but i'm coping. The old me would usually just keep his mouth shut and watch the world go by. His motto was 'Shut up and listen'. My motto now is 'What else can go wrong? Might as well'. Gabriel Khoo got a girlfriend, what the heck?! Okay, back to the point again. I'm still shy and more or less quiet when i can be but i've changed, for the better i hope.

Anyway, thanks for your effort but please don't treat it as a holiday yet. Check band blog please.

2009-03-28T22:48:00.002+08:00

Hahs, i'm amazed. I'm glad i joined band, realy glad. Sure didn't know what the heck i was getting into in sec one but hey, no regrets. Even when i assumed a position of leadership, i knew it was going to be crap, but again, no regrets. Heck, maybe i should save this for a graduation speech, maybe. All the shit that happened sure felt effed at that point in time but it all helped. Enduring waves of 'attacks' in the middle of the night and acting like a puppet really helped me grow. I just seriously worry, course i do. It's another SYF and this time, i'll be a sec four helping lead them towards their goal(gold). Look! Wordplay! Okay, back to topic. I still can't perfect both pieces, infuriating really! Maybe if i didn't get into that position, i could be better, another maybe.

Doesn't matter now, it's in two days. Just take it easy and let life take it's course. All that matters for now is that we go up on that stage confident and calm. Can't believe that such a big deal is just going to end in 15 minutes.

Oh, on another note, girl matters are irritating. Hahs, we're so exaggerating their influence on us and it's just before the competition. I swear, if they let that shit affect them negatively.....

I'm actually nervous really. Hahs, effed up situation i tell you.

2009-03-12T22:42:00.002+08:00

Hah, back from my hiatus. Been some time since i blogged. Things have changed though, for the better i hope. Band's becoming a daily routine, an obsession if you will. Sure it's tiring, cold, and more or less painful but it's becoming satisfactory i think.

I'm growing, becoming more open, less narcissistic. It's not fun being the bad guy but it'll work. Hahs, secondary 4 and the first two months have flown by. SYF soon..... 30th march. Nerve-wrecking, true, but i can't wait for it. It's been quite some time since i've been on that stage. Going up again is going to be SO nostalgic except it's with different people. People i've gotten to 'know' and learn about. It saddens me to leave the school(band) at the end of this year(i hope i do leave though) although i may complain about the school and how it truly does suck, i don't want to leave i think, not just yet. My life, from this angle, isn't that bad.

I think i am content.

2009-01-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

Watching Friends, interesting. I'm sleepy. And Chinese New Year's never been this boring, seriously! Each year surpasses the previous. Sure, the money is good but that's about it. I never looked forward to seeing my family members, heck why should i. I just can't seem to interact with them without feeling like an idiot.

Been trying Mozart lately. Eff, it's difficult. But i'm happy, i think. If it helps me improve, i'll try anything. So so sleepy. Argh.

2009-01-17T22:52:00.002+08:00

I don't like my class. To be honest, i actually pretty hate it. Not the people in it though. Just the class. Feel so isolated. Life seems so effed nowadays. Can't stand school, can't stand home. I just want to float and laugh. It's not that i don't effing try. I do, damn it. Not really reciprocated though, really sad. I feel so ignored. I don't want to shout. The only real thing i can rely on is my flute. Nowadays, everybody seems so suspicious. I don't like that feeling. I feel so unappreciated. So taken advantage of. I wonder what it'll be like if i die or have to be admitted to the hospital. I wonder how people will live. Will there even be a difference in their lives? I want to make an impact, a positive impact.

On another note, i'm doing my homework. I'm trying not to sleep in class. I'm so proud of myself(in a way). Not going to study yet though, still too early. I'm too lazy. Wait till SYF is over.

Influences?

2008-12-28T04:22:00.002+08:00

People so take advantage of the word Christmas.

Anyway, it's a little saddening really. Last year, around Christmas time, the guys and I were out 'shopping' for each other's gifts. This year, everybody's all holed up in their own individual world. Be it Church, family, recreational activity or even holidays. Argh, wasted!

At least I'm 'evolving'. I can't be all stuck up in the past now. Argh, nostalgia sucks. It makes me feel so..... longing. Like when i saw pictures of Tokyo again. It's a bloody conspiracy! Secondary ones are immature to a relatively large extent. But it's okay, let them have their fun. Upper secondary will suck.

And i totally need to get my hair cut. It's so effing irritating and hard to take care of. It also keeps getting into my eye. I don't know how emo or 'whatever-styled' kids, especially boys, can keep their fringe so damn long. Even girls! How do girls keep their long hair, i don't know. I'd probably think it as too much of a hassle and just chop it off(no pun intended).

I know it's a little early but i don't want to leave the school. I especially don't want to leave the band. I must be an idiot.

I don't want to take advantage anymore.

2008-12-07T01:32:00.002+08:00

Hmm, thought this up while bathing. Oddly enough, revelations come while in the bathroom. Too much time doing nothing but thinking. Yea, this time it's hypocrisy. Like Christmas for example. If you do ask your friend what present he wants for Christmas and he replies with the infamous 'Nothing, don't want you to waste money', you better make sure he means that. He better not get mad when you follow his advice. I prefer you sound like a greedy bastard then a lying hypocrite. Same thing goes for band. I'd rather you tell me you don't want to come then give some lame excuse about you falling sick or your relative being sent to the hospital(no offense). Oh and new year is coming. Hmm, i don't know whether to look forward to it or not. Seeing as the next year holds SYF and my O's..... i feel really scared(wow, never seen me say that eh). But still, those are the reasons to look forward to next year as well(now i sound like an idiot).

I like independence. Thus i want to lead with an air of that. You should do what you need to do. Secondary school kids should be more matured? I don't know. Stupidity does get on nerves eventually you know. Hmmm, guess i'll end. I have run out of inspiration.

Strauss is pretty interesting.

2008-11-14T00:08:00.002+08:00

The band is seriously doomed damnit! Fuck. A simple task is beyond them and yet they have to take up the mantle. I may be too harsh and have too high expectations but i'll do anything to make sure we don't end up with a silver or less. I'll volunteer to get hated by all of them if it helps. I don't want to see them sad and grieving. Fuck, it's their own downfall yet i feel like it's my responsibility to help. I won't give up, not yet. I may have said so before but that's just for the impact but i have yet to mean it. I've promised myself i wouldn't let band get in the way of our friendships but i might not be able to uphold that promise or worse, i might have to find a loophole around it. Imagine placing the band in the hands of people who don't even know when to be serious or when to joke. I've even tried giving them the responsibility of planning an outing only to have him retort and argue. And now my fellow secretary is going to go off at 12 to redeem something for a game. My world is ending i tell you.

I can seriously cry.

2008-10-19T16:01:00.002+08:00

I'm just doing this in a spur of the moment manner. Hmm, those people who like act all mysterious and mighty just cause you're in a relationship need to wake up. Like seriously!

"What are you going to do later?"

"Meeting him/her ....."

Like seriously! You could just say his name and stop acting so 'mysterious'. It gets irritating really. And stop hiding the fact you're seeing him if you're trying to hide it. No point lying just to cover up the relationship. Being an introvert sucks sometimes. Geez, just cause you're in the relationship doesn't mean you have to dramatize the situation.

Can't really blame it all on the boy/girl. His/her friends are also to blame though with the teasing and the names. Seriously, what the heck is up with that?! I may be contradicting myself over the maturity post but seriously, this is stupid!

Whatever, staying home still sucks, geez.

2008-10-09T20:58:00.002+08:00

Another thing i don't really like is how some people who have problems think that they are the only person in the whole world with problems. I'm amazed how people can be so self-centered and/or ignorant. True, perhaps it's a slip of the mind when one is all traumatized and such but still. You can't really blame the whole world for being in that situation especially when somebody out there has worse problems than you. Everybody's guilty of it sometime or another especially when it's the first but one has to grow out of it. Maturity is lacking.

Now, to totally contradict myself, i find maturity over-rated. Teachers always nag about you to grow up and act like a man. That's bullshit. You'll act like a man when you are one. No point being someone you're not. If you're a kid, be a kid. Act like one, sound like one, look like one. Childhood only comes for the first 15(?) years of your life. Half of that time was wasted being an ignorant kid. However, maturity comes for the rest of your damned life. People forgive you easily if you're a kid. Do the mistake in the adult world and people go against you on some personal agenda.

These are my sides. This is my life. This are my thoughts.

2008-09-30T21:59:00.002+08:00

Yea, so it's 10pm when i start the post and it's raining heavily. I figured quite a number of things out. They may be cliches but phrases like "life's too short, make the best of it" are really true. I can't possibly spend my adolescence trying to act "cool" and hanging out with "cool" people or being influenced by peer pressure. I can however, make the most of it and advance in the relationships i care about(not necessarily BGR). It's hard to think the me of yestermonth was really interested and bothered in and by those things. I either got this miraculous revelation from going to church OR by reading books(which is highly probably considering the type of books i read).

My friends too, pose another problem for me. Call me impatient but i cannot wait long for somebody who does something i do not consider to be important. Looking at the phrase, you may call me self-centered as well. It's one of my flaws. However, that's the point about being in relationships isn't it(one of the points anyways)? You learn to accept and respect each other's or one another's flaws. From there, you mature and grow into a better person. I may be self centered but i also can't tolerate others being self-centered and fussy about things. I just can't handle it. Wow, i seem like a major hypocrite. Whatever, i don't care. Well, i'm trying not to anyway. Such trivial matters like these. Why in the world do I have to bother about your opinion. I may admit being guilty of those traits and flaws but i certainly won't be discouraged by them.

Sometimes, i think i'm crazy. I talk to my modem when it screws up, i talk to my Tv when something wrong occurs. Yep, the disturbed teenage mind.

Oh, i finally get to say something i haven't dared to for a long time.

I love my friends.

Originality is a virtue.

2008-09-04T23:22:00.003+08:00

Yea, it's kind of pathetic how I'm online almost the whole day yet nobody, nobody chats with me. Okay, call me a whining, arrogant asshole but I did expect at least one. Wow, I must be boring.

Another thing. The way people long to be someone else is also..... well..... pathetic. Going on about how their lives are horrible and they believe God created them to prove how cruel he can be and bullshit like that. Sure, we're all guilty of that sometime or another but still, people who do that either have low self-esteem, been put down harshly or are plain suicidal.

I really cannot find a positive aspect about my personality. All I find are flaws and imperfections. Seriously, I'm not even funny. Even my physical outlook is flawed. What exactly is there to look in the mirror. Okay, you may think I'm over-reacting but honestly, try me.

This has been pathetic. And yes, i use that word a lot.

I'm amazed at how insensitive people can be.

2008-08-17T16:22:00.002+08:00

Peer pressure is really pathetic. I find if you don't want to do it, don't do it. If you do, then do it. Don't get lost in between with no idea which to choose. That's when peer pressure comes in and external factors will start influencing your decision. My class is a great example of peer pressure really. Not the most decisive and united of classes, it'll survive though. I don't really socialize with my class much. Never found the need to. Oh, i'm going off topic. Nevermind. Yea, for me, band is enough to satisfy. I don't need a class getting in the way of my social life or my plans. Kinda ridiculous isn't it? To prioritize band above my class and my studies too actually. Call me stupid, i have my priorities and my dreams. I've never really succumbed to peer pressure unless it's from band mates, for band mates or basically anything band-related. Peer pressure can be positive too though. Which makes it all the more dangerous and risky. I really do wish i go to school just for band, i honestly wouldn't mind playing my instrument for what is our curriculum time. It would be so much more productive. If only life was that easy.

typical.

2008-08-06T22:46:00.002+08:00

It's hard to be in a position of power and not get hated. It's odd enough and actually, pretty sad too. You try to do the right thing and end up being kicked down. That stupid phrase "Do what is right, not what is popular" rings again. Stupid jo. Yea, coupled with academics, it sucks. I look forward to band with a usual sort of enthusiasm. And as usual i get kicked down when i either hear our sound or see the attendance. It's kind of pathetic though. More like why haven't i given up ages ago. Those sec threes are idiots. Complete idiots. It's sad that things have come to this really. It's going to be awfully saddening if i lose friends because of band. Especially friends i've kept since primary school. I don't want to sever ties with them but if i have to, i will. Support is what i need. I seem to be rushing through this post but maybe it's just stress. Pent up, agonizing stress. I should pick up some sport which involves hitting things.

Screw, i hate it yet love it at the same time. Stupid me.

2008-07-23T22:26:00.002+08:00

I'm a little of a perfectionist if you don't mind my lack of modesty. I want things i like to be done to their absolute best or potential. I abhor half-heartedness, such an attitude only makes me want to punch someone's kids. Seriously, mediocre is just not enough. I'm not an easy person to satisfy and i don't treat that as a bad thing. Higher standards are always natural and practical in life. You can't possibly be satisfied with the part time job you're having now which earns you $5 per hour in another 10 years time can you? Surely one would strive for the norm of that age and time. I want to know one more thing though. Why are people so inclined on going home earlier? Human beings can't possibly strive for solitude and loneliness can they? It makes no damn sense. Surely one would choose an event which may be tiring but fun. Friends seriously ought to get more credit. Under-rated, seriously.

Back to more mundane matters. I'm getting exceptionally tired nowadays unfortunately. I sleep at bout midnight and awaken at 615. Surely that's acceptable for a "growing" adolescent. I've never actually slept in class before till the beginning of semester 2, after the june holidays. In the end, my brain still hurts.

P.S. I still love band, even if it's painful.

2008-07-03T00:17:00.002+08:00

So although it's kinda obvious, going back to school is awfully depressing. I'm different from last term, somehow. Must've been the band practices over the holidays, must've warped my brains or something. My "mindset" is so completely psyched out. I used to not do my homework, that's normal. Then i get to school and copy, that's very normal as well. Nowadays, i'm not even bothering to copy. Tsk, i'm getting incredibly lazy. And i'm hating my sound. Seems so mediocre, and i hate mediocre. It's pathetic, there's no excuse for it.

I went to buy reeds and well, equipment today for the the band. It was kinda disturbing. The walk there was excessively far(that includes the distance we walked trying to find the place). It was rewarding too actually. I like my friends. I like em a lot. Now he can finally look the part, tsk.

I'm sleeping real late nowadays. Can't seem to sleep normally, like an average human being. The things people do when one's desperate. I have to limit my spendings, i'm strangely enough in debt. Oh, and i'm not always "emo" if i keep quiet and lag behind. Sometimes it proves my worth. I like observing their actions and emotions. Lest it seem too surreal.

Great, i'll go try to sleep.

2008-06-19T13:57:00.002+08:00

Anyways, i'm kinda amazed at how fast time flied by.......well, not really. "What's coming will come and we'll meet it when it does". No matter how cliched this sounds, there's really no point fearing or dreading that stupid start of school. Take it in your stride. I'm not supporting the school re-opening FYI, i still hate it. However, doesn't really help much to hate it does it. If students were set to vote, the majority would never go to school again. I'm not a fan of touchy topics too. Seems too.... surreal i guess. Whatever and i always ALWAYS over-rate the bloody consequences. Next time i get a frigging idea, i'll be sure to think a lil' on the consequence but not let it change my mind unless it's dire. Since i over-rate the consequence, i never get to the point of doing the action that may or may not lead to the consequence. That is extremely pathetic. It may be the right thing but i'd be too frigging paranoid to do anything. Another reason to despise paranoia. Whatever, reflecting's actually kinda helpful(?) and fun(?). Yea, but most people are afraid of facing their faults and mistakes i think. They are therefore reluctant to reflect and strive for improvement. Wow, that sounded corny. Stinking paranoia.

2008-06-15T20:58:00.002+08:00

Was trying to figure out something to post really. I found it staring in my face, when i'm all alone. Perhaps a thunderstorm or two coupled with nasty, howling winds. Paranoia. Simple. I really loathe paranoia, in more ways than one. Other than the fact it makes me paranoid, there's also the fact that others may attempt something drastic when faced with paranoia. Like now for instance, i'm typing. Alone in my room with no sound except for the keyboard in my breathing. It's that feeling that somebody's watching you, or somebody's out to get you, be it paranormal or down-to-earth. Yea, paranoia is seriously pathetic. You get all worked up and boom, in your face, there's nothing there and you start laughing to yourself about how silly you just seemed. Paranoia is also that thing that keeps you awake at night, that thing that makes you assume there's a monster in your closet, the thing that makes you think the situation is far worse that it actually is. The point obviously gets across but still, you never can eradicate paranoia. It seems to haunt you at the awkward-est of times. Well, that's that. Band camp starts tomorrow and they've disturbing made me post in a fashion that is not to my versatility. Still, band camp better be fun. I'm banking on it. I don't get how people can hold a grudge against band, it's just awfully stupid(no offence intended).

Tomorrow at 0600.

P.S. I really hate the flu and runny noses.

2008-06-01T22:59:00.002+08:00

Kinda odd how music can relate to so many things. Like some songs may remind you of a vacation you attended with you family or of a particularly unpleasant memory. Nonetheless. point proven. I'm amazed at how influenced i can get due to an unpleasant incident. It's awfully pathetic, now that i think about it. I get affected by moods i think, it's kind of a passive feature of myself. Oh, and the next time somebody asks why i operate a certain way or why i react in that manner, i'll give an indifferent answer like "it's just me". Seems completely nonchalant and arrogant unfortunately and might give the complete opposite of the desired results which should be making friends? So instead, i might seem like an anti-social bastard who wants to seem like a smart-aleck, great. Oh and i found out, i can't keep a grudge unless you do something incorrigible like intentionally smashing a baseball bat into my nuts. Yea, so use it to your advantage then. I never actually believed the "tell someone your feelings and you'll feel better" philosophy, till it was proven. Still, yet to experience it? I'm never honest to myself when the time counts. Perfect.....

2008-05-12T21:19:00.002+08:00

Wow, 150th post. Okay, whatever. I kinda forgot what i wanted to post, so i'll just talk bout random crap. Oh! I'm amazed at how ummm, sensitive(?) and/or caring(?) my friends can be. To not worry them or make them feel bad although they can be awfully irritating due to their stupidity(?). I also made a resolve for myself. To speak more of the truth instead of hiding my emotions underneath. Yea, i've been trying and i dunno, nothing to serious to comment about anyways. I hate leaving friends out of a "gathering". Like, you plan an "outing" just to leave a few people out, intentional or otherwise. Negotiation is much for productive than arguing. The words influx and exodus are kinda stuck in my head for some weird reason. Cosy, interesting.

2008-05-05T22:07:00.003+08:00

So yea, i really don't want to be mad or anything but it's hard to when you treat things which i consider serious so lightly. Why'd you change so much? What happened to the old person i knew. It can't be all because of just one guy now can it. Then again, maybe it's also our fault for influencing you. Still, i kinda miss the old you. Then again, maybe i'm not the only one that feels this way, can't treat it like i am.

So yea, exams end this week for me(i don't consider CLB to be an exam). I think people got tired of the same topic over and over again. "How's your exams?", "How'd you do for the exams?", "Did you manage to answer question 2a?", "There wasn't enough time to finish was there?", "Burning midnight oil tonight?". Like yea, there would be more, but i'm lazy. Think people are gonna crack under the pressure of all these kinda questions. Then again....whatever. I want to be able t kickstart a conversation without bringing up the topic of examinations. Kinda stupid how we fuss over two to three weeks of the year, and seem so carefree for every other week. I'm kinda supposed to be doing physics right now but thanks to an earlier nap, i don't really feel like doing anything much less studying. Actually, exams aren't that bad(if your friends are as "no life" as you and have nothing better to do in the afternoons). As shown, since we get released early, if possible we can go out yea? Although, the atmosphere inside the class is extremely dull. It's hard to resist the temptation of falling asleep.

A blessing in disguise. I really seem to get loads of these kinds of coincidences or it may be for some people "fate". Some things just hurt though. Think i'll stop, my troubles just make me seem more self-centered than ever.

2008-05-02T22:14:00.002+08:00

Feeling fucking moody now. People hurt your feelings and i hope it's accidental. I don't think they're insensitive, more like i assume i'm too sensitive. I loathe paranoia. It just adds to the stupid self esteem decrease factor. Like i'm not a master of giving hints but damn, surely you would have noticed something. How thick can you get, or am i just too indirect. Again, i hate being second best. Hahs, now i get it. Revelation. If i was able to show my feelings better, i might actually be crying right now. Fuck. I'm not one who rates or classifies friends. I'm against for example, friendster's featured friends application. It totally rates friends, i abhor it. Fuck, i'm sure you're not doing this on purpose, at least that's what i want to think. I feel like punching something to get rid of this stupid.....what do you call this feeling. Tension? Stress? Pain? Fuck. Tomorrow better be a better day. Scratch that, tomorrow will be a better day. I don't believe one person can cause so much damn conflict. The fucking world doesn't revolve around him, stop treating it like it does. We're alive you know. Or at least, i am. I take things for granted. I hate myself. I basically caused myself to feel like this. Total screw. Argh, gonna bathe, don't wanna think anymore. Drown myself in cold water.

2008-04-29T21:53:00.002+08:00

Seems odd how i like music. It's like something clicked inside. Or maybe i'm just bored. Tsk, English exam paper, shall save my comments till after examinations lest i contradict myself. Like i'll be seriously bored tomorrow, stupid mother tongue paper. I need to find somebody to go out with. I find that thinking off the top of your head is a great gift/talent. It's amazing for example, to compose some song and let the words rhyme inpromptu. I'll change my "mindset". I'll look forward to every morning instead of dreading it. I'll be thankful and satisfied....yea! Easier said than done but hey, discussion leads to action(probably anyways). It's amazing(significantly less so) how people are that interested in other people's lives, mainly celebrities. Tsk, like what they do affects us(much). It's odd that i really can't will myself to become somebody different. Exams are over-rated, seriously. I think i'm in a good mood for some reason, but who cares, it's a good mood. Distractions suck, honestly. Random but true. I hate studying(attempts) at home. It's near impossible to do a decent and productive piece of work.

P.S. I miss band, odd but true.

2008-04-22T22:25:00.002+08:00

Freaking hell! The stupid feeling of being at home just resurfaced. It's fucking boring and stressing actually. I'll tell myself to breathe but in the meantime, i HAVE to find something to do. It figures, it doesn't make much difference whether my parents are home or not. Maybe i should rephrase that by saying " it doesn't make much difference whether my parents are in the house or not". Times like these make you wish for some sort of 24/7 friend to keep you company. Hopefully it doesn't drive me insane to start conversing with some imaginary friend. The only thing i can look forward to at home is playing the flute really. I figured that listening to such genres of music inspires me to become better. Okay, that was off point but whatever. I want band, i really do. The damn change is wrecking havoc in my damn life. School just complicates things. Next time, i'll just stay back in school to study or something. It'll prove much more helpful and calming than going home, no matter how retarded that sounds. I really loathe being in the middle of a breaking friendship. And again, i need a best friend.

P.S. Seems like i'll be staying out late nowadays....

2008-04-20T14:48:00.002+08:00

Band again. It's almost always about band isn't it. I really love the sec three band batch 08'. They are amazing. Speech day yesterday. Was kinda sweltering, disturbing, surprising and relieving. Exams will arrive soon and i think the phrase "haven't even started yet" is really a little too pathetic. I haven't actually thought of starting yet. Like totally screw exams really... what a waste. I'd so rather pick band, but then again, i always will. Exam timetable sucks. We have our CLB exam on the last day where almost no other sec three will be having exams. Four out friday's six are in the band committee. If more went out on friday, the ratio would have been higher. I love the guys. We care, i'm amazed, we really do care.

P.S. It's a boy's school but no, i'm not gay.

2008-04-14T21:25:00.002+08:00

Apparently, i got the class jersey today. I would still have preferred a t-shirt but i'm not saying i don't like the jersey. The t-shirt can fit the whole class' names. I'll like to do that next year....if i get there. Okay, whatever. Maybe it's just me but the word laughter has taken on a whole new level. People strive to make others laugh and thus making themselves laugh as well. It seems O so important nowadays. Argh! Freaking dilemmas

2008-04-07T21:12:00.002+08:00

This stupid thought kept bugging me the whole of last night which basically caused me to lose an hour and a half of sleep. Yea, it went something like i want to be treated well.... special by a friend or so. Maybe that's selfish of me but i want to be..... can't find the word. Heck, so yea. Can't say it ain't true or that i don't know the damn consequences but it's just like.... a temptation you know. Friends.... mine are actually kinda insensitive for that matter. They should be actually.... considering they have me for a friend. If they were that sensitive, they must've cried countless times already. Yea, but just can't help feeling lost somewhere. And there's the conversation which just proves me right. Hahs, they do make me laugh but for.... just noticed but my friends are very different from me actually. But they seem o so alike.... freaking influences...

sale...

2008-04-03T21:32:00.003+08:00

So it's back to hating my life yeah? It's like i went a circle around my "teenhood" and came back to the beginning. A funeral march must be playing somewhere right now. There are two(or more) ways to go around almost everything. Two(or more) ways to explain everything as well. Sometimes, i wonder where would i be if i hadn't attended that particular primary school. It's hard to imagine life without my friends backing me up but still. I don't like the friends come and go kinda crap. It's all up to the friends to decide whether they want to come and go.... and i doubt whether anybody would like to lose friends. Although it is hard to imagine your current friends coming to attend your wedding into 10 or so years time. Maybe it's because i'm deprived but i honestly feel that friends shouldn't be treated in any different manner...maybe that's a flaw on its own. I really hate politics and it's not just government politics. Screw.

2008-04-01T22:51:00.002+08:00

It's kinda weird you know, like when you try to stay away from something, it just comes back to haunt you. Or maybe the lack of commitment i have. Whichever, i don't really bother. Yea, i know i'm a boring person, yes i know you have to be thick-skinned to even be borderline friends with me, which totally doesn't make any sense really...right. People clap cause they appreciate the presenter or they like his well...presentation. I clap cause i feel kinda sorry for that guy. Hahs, would anybody believe me at all? Major doubt. Perhaps my mindset is screwed, or maybe i'm also sensitive, which doesn't make any sense as it contradicts the part about me only being good friends with thick-skinned people. Influence really, influence. I'd say i've changed actually, and so have my friends..... sadly. I suck at making decisions on the spot. Not my cuppa tea. Some things are real coincidences or blessings in disguise. I'm amazed that everybody doesn't hate me actually.... typical gabriel. Feeling lonely again, maybe cause i don't have enough guts to actually bother asking..... and by the way, happy april fool's day to myself, basically, considering nobody ever reads this. Didn't mention a single joke, played a single prank or whatever. Even though there's band! Then again, in band, almost everyday's april fool's day. Hahs, i love band. Band committee, not so. Just think.

2008-03-26T22:39:00.002+08:00

So it's basically the lack of involvement in an activity nowadays. My life's basically back to the way it was. The usual well....no life. When i write, i would like to create a sense of either euphoria or disgust in the reader's mind. Okay that was random. Tomorrow will be a bad day, including band. Cesspool......interesting word. I hate situational writing. Compositions have such limits. School seems to be stifling creativity, that's why the world is so money-dependent...maybe that's not the word but it's such a waste...

2008-03-22T23:10:00.002+08:00

Yea, life nowadays have either been;

a)Boring
b)Real fun
c)Nerve-wrecking
d)Tiring

Yea, some days it was all the above. Especially saturday, happy birthday chee. Yea, so i've been interesting in youtube lately and been subscribing to loads of hilarious crap. Tomorrow better be fun, i'm banking my weekend on it. Assumptions really suck. Unless you're absolutely sure that what you're assuming is factual. Wow, i'm not gonna bother elaborating. Screw, i give up

2008-03-13T22:36:00.002+08:00

So yea, today in all aspects, sucked. Wasted money, anti-social morning, anti-social evening, the works you know. Seem to be so errrm, ignored to. Hopefully it's because of the sec three camp or something. Okay whatever. I hate rifts among friendships especially when i'm the neutral party. Argh fuck. I abhor picking sides. Right, had a horrible night yesterday. No idea why though and i seemed highly delusional. Missed sec three camp, for the better good of my skin but not for my relationships with my friends and shitloads of fun. The school holidays are so ending soon. Technology's everywhere, even in the damn toilet bowl. Wait, i'm being freakishly random in this entry.

P.S. I would love more FRIENDS

2008-03-05T20:41:00.003+08:00

I would like my friends to be serious once in a while. Geez, okay. Had some ermm, characteristics or personality examination on tuesday. Seemed real odd though. Most of em were....what, sparky sanguine? I think i'm the only lunatic who's purely maestro melancholy. Kinda spastic, but yea, that's my tuesday. Back to the first sentence. I would like a serious chat with them once in a while, instead of just poking jokes at each other just for laughter. Don't get me wrong, i love laughter. Still, i find like my friends seem awfully, closed-minded?(is there such a word?) O yea, sec three camp next week, and apparently, i won't be attending the stupid camp in malaysia. So i'll be attending band instead, yippee!(sarcasm is a tad obvious) Sigh, so i have to figure out what to do in that stupid span of 7 damn soon-to-be-boring days. Loads of drama going on in my life nowadays, so basically, i hate it. No wonder there's a word called melodrama. Band tomorrow....geez, my ears are so gonna hurt....i hate myself. AH YES, i went for a 24 hour fast camp. It was major fun. Singing and dancing were amazingly, well, fun! Even building the so called shelter out of cardboard was a good experience, although the ventilation system was pathetic and spent the first half of the night warm. My class is fun. It's getting truckloads of basic scoldings and such. It's still worth a laugh however.

2008-02-26T21:22:00.002+08:00

Was watching a youtube video earlier...heck. Drawing on shoes seem interesting.....and unique i guess. Although, it's kinda pointless to draw on mine. Right, for the fun of it, i was screwing my lightbulb in and it...well, shattered. One pathetic light bulb freaking plunged my house into a damn blackout. Wtheck?! I'll skip the drama and just discuss the consequences. So now my two main outlets are....useless. So i freaking attached the plug for my computer to the socket at my door. The one just beside the light apparently. So people have to look out when entering else they trip or worse, cut off the power supply to the com. Geez, life sucks. I never really expected it to be so early. So i have no idea what else to do. Didn't bring my flute back, damn it. Yes, it's general, a total whatever.My phone bill is so gonna skyrocket....

2008-02-22T22:51:00.002+08:00

Alright then.Was just reading something random earlier. Something about people or strangers ASSUMING you are an anti-social loner and they try to like "communicate" with you. I was then reading the comments and how they brushed these people off. Well, the person was just trying to be kind i think...Whatever. I'm like totally addicted to chocolates. Once i start eating, it's so hard to stop. Back to topic. I don't even know why such people brush them of. It's always better to make a new friend than an enemy isn't it? What the heck?! I feel like playing my flute but it's like 11.....heck, i'll play it anyway. O yea, i hate people being indirect.....then again, we are asians. Whatever, i'll much prefer somewhere immediately identifying and informing me of my flaw, mistake or whatever instead of giving me clues about it. However, i can't do that....others aren't like me now are they. Still, some things may be too hard to handle at one go. What the heck am i doing?! Some kinda argumentative essay?! Geez, going off...

2008-02-18T22:08:00.003+08:00

A basic happy birthday to Alvin Tan and Jonathan Chia(yes i spelled your name properly). Yea back to topic. Apparently, i'm gonna miss out on the march camp at Kota tinggi, malaysia due to my annoying skin condition. Ah well. Missed out P5 camp as well. Hahs, guess i'm not an outdoor person at all. Yes, i do wanna like repair my flute. This is a total crap entry, ranging from topic to topic. Okay, let's try to think of one. O yea, my relationship with my relatives? Yea, Yea? It's dead. I'm just another invisible icon to them. It seems like it anyways. Still, i can't blame em. I always act so anti-social. Guess that makes them like avoid talking to me. Hah, i'm actually shy! To my own damn relatives! Ridiculous! Let me get some gay ass philosophy. Okay, a band of chopsticks is harder to break than one(yes it's crappy but it serves it's purpose). Let's assume i'm the chopstick. When i'm with my friends, i can be rowdy, retarded, outgoing and act like i'm without a care in the world. Take away my friends and i'm just a fragile little thing waiting to get broken. Whatev(yea no typo.)

2008-02-14T22:33:00.002+08:00

Would like life be easier if people said whatever was on their mind? Wouldn't it be much easier if we couldn't distinguish good or bad? All cavemen must have gone to heaven.....geez. So it's basically been and going to be a tough week for me. All sorta shitass events going on. Guess this can't be compared to like O' level stress but still it's a huge jump from hardly studying for almost every exam and not giving a damn bout grades. Is it true that if you don't love, you can't get hurt. Actually, i find that true. Seeing as you don't bother or have any connections with anything, you can't bother or care when it is taken away. Should have seen this coming. My social life is dead. Pathetic really. Band mates, class mates and family? What sorta crap is that?! I'm gonna make a random survey and assume that most people have over 100 contacts in msn or something. Hahs! I kinda made a resolution to become more independent and not rely on others as much. I wanna rebel against majority kinda thing. I wanna be the first to clap, the first to give a standing ovation. To have the guts to follow up in what i believe in. If it's good, i'll clap. I don't wanna give a damn to those around me. Big words from a small guy eh? Hopefully i'll be able to do so.

2008-02-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

I need some music albums....okay whatever. I really like my friends, then again, who doesn't. Make myself more bearable. More likeable. Or maybe i shouldn't change at all. So predictable really....my kinda kick-ass lifestyle(in a bad way). O i finally realized.....i can actually cry while reading sad, well books. Okay not really, cry as in tears kinda thing. More like emotional upheaval when emotion courses through the body. Okay.....my opinion and feeling. O and flag day sucked to the deepest core. Most people back away and go around u when they see people carrying tins. Twas so pathetic that the flyer guy situated opposite donated. To top off matters, i mixed up my tin with my friend's and ended up collecting for him. I so want presents....even if they're not for my birthday or for whichever other event that's being held. Scratch that. I just want compliments......hah! Low expectations are so totally me. Today's errr, school......CNY mass actually made me think a lil. Other than me singing and such, i really shouldn't worry too much about the future. Live today as it was meant to be lived not live today worrying about tomorrow. Not that i was much of a future planner to begin with....but it caught me wondering some times yeah. So heck, let's worry about now and not the future.....that should be all. O and one more thing. I'm hungry. My appetite really sucks.

2008-02-02T22:36:00.000+08:00

I usually have something to blog about, and yes i have....more like had. Apparently, i forgot what topic i should be discussing about. Give me 5 minutes to attempt to recall. Can't do it. So i shall start something new instead. Yea, are all 15, wait 14 year olds this curious about life? It never ceases to amaze me about all the crap i'm spewing out while other 14 your old worry about;
a) girls
b) studies
c) having loads of fun
d) scolding vulgarities like there's no tomorrow
e) watching porn
f) music
g)fashion(almost forgot what came after f)
Yea, okay, maybe not all teenagers are like that, but typically.....anyways, i lie challenges you know. Some people may flinch and back away from a challenge but i would rather take it and conquer it. Apparently, that's how i take music, oddly enough. I take the score and somewhere in my sub-consciousness, says that i will play it well and conquer it(well it has to somethig i like....for now). Maybe i shouldn't do the same for everything else. Sorta treating it like a competition. Ah screw/`~|\/

2008-01-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

Apparently, life so far has been real horrible. Com got infected by a virus, caught the flu, argued with the band major, suck at picc and etc. What my horoscope says i'm gonna have a pathetic year and i'm gonna believe it? Like no way, at least not without putting up a fight. Still trying to open up. I think too much of the consequences and less about the action alone. Still, u can't have it the other way round. Hmph, i always feel second best or well, any number down the road. I want to have a feeling of self-achievement for once. I want to be proud of my own work. I want to be satisfied at what i have done. Yet, my blog is always about me. Maybe i'm putting too little emphasis on how other people feel and too much on myself. It's always, "i want this, i want that". When have i stopped to think about what will happen if i get this and that. There's a reason why you don't get everything you ask for. Just what is it that makes my mind thinks this way. I should try some IQ test or something. Ah screw it.

2008-01-24T22:54:00.000+08:00

Ya know....u either choose solitude or company. Some will choose solitude and hide at one corner, being there and at the same time not being there. Being in the center of that classroom but not being there actively participating but instead dreaming, hoping and wondering about life. Ignored by the rest, shutting yourself out from public. Wanting someone to reach out to you yet avoiding that hand, contradictory yet common. Afraid of hurt, afraid of trust, just wanting to be left alone till that someone comes. They may be in public, they may be with humans, but they may be alone, lonely, seeking attention. I don't like to think that far......it only makes me more and more paranoid. What's going to happen? I can't bear to watch....flashing through your mind like some projector. It doesn't help at all. Nothing does......maybe socializing, communicating, loving....

2008-01-20T20:00:00.000+08:00

Ya see, an addiction ain't necessarily a bad thing u know. Although u may be addicted to playing or watching porn or whatever. There are good addictions as well. Okay this is totally random. Addictions like studying can't be considered bad, for now. Till they become obsessive. My two ulcers hurt like hell, the lips are very dry and are cracking, my left thigh is aching and i need more books to read. O yea, just remembered.

EXODUS - A mass departure of people.(as defined by a dictionary)

Yea kinda ironic especially in this kinda stupid situation. I wanna be open. I wanna pour myself out. I'm scared of the consequences. I'm afraid of the reactions. Why is it that i can never stand up for myself? Why is it that no matter how much i want to, it never comes out? Why can't i defend my likes and dislikes, my feelings and emotions. It makes no sense really. That needs no example really. It speaks for itself. I must honestly be deprived. I hate it, i hate it. I'm paranoid, what else.....but no, i'm not insane yet.

2008-01-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

Screw it. Really. Hmmm, really now. How do i phrase this. Can't figure out what to type anymore. Wanting to express myself in words but apparently....it obviously isn't working. O and i dun really like showing favouritism. I prefer to be neutral. It may not seem like much but then i kinda want to do something about myself. Change the way i do things, the way i think. If u give me the word, let's say "band", i'll reply with flute. Might seem kinda shallow yea...."Books", textbooks. "Relationships", girls. "Friends", spastic. "Life", death. "Emotions", crying. Yea, it does look kinda shallow. Okay, whatever. I wonder, what happens to friends u have lost contact with. Will they remember you? Will they miss you? What happens when we graduate. It didn't make much of a difference to me progressing into secondary school as most of my friends were with me. But, what happens when our good friends, get seperated from us. Will, new friends ever be able to wash away your old ones? Yea, maintaining contact with a friend is hard. It requires willpower to be able to get that sms across. Wondering most of the time can't be good....

2008-01-17T20:52:00.001+08:00

I really do think a lot. Kinda more like ermm, figuring out how to get this done, how to make a scene and so on. Been doing that to band a lot recently. Those so called "daydreams" always end in the same manner. No matter how i start it off. O F.Y.I, it's a negative kinda thing. I seem so over-paranoid. So unconfident. I hate my kinda of mindset and attitude u know. It kinda hovers over my like some invisible weight on my shoulders. Then i ask, what are the major changes that changed the course of my life. Did i have to come to this school? Maybe i should go to church more......am i that deprived? These kinda questions really get lodged in my head. This damned post took me one of the longest times to type out. Im usually done in 5 minutes....Argh! I imagine a picturesque countryside with meadows and clear blue sky. That's precisely why i want the damn window seat. To gaze out and visualize during boring periods. I really do need to hang out with my friends more. Or maybe i'm not spending enough time at home. That couldv'e resulted in my current indecisive mind. So much more to say u know. I really do wanna. Just can't express it fully. Can't find the words....argh!

2008-01-16T19:34:00.000+08:00

I absolutely abhor being the last resort. Unfortunately, that's what i am. I actually can't figure out a time when i was the first person to get referred to. Just not enough am i.....i'm just incapable of doing anything right i guess. Yawn, figures really. Even if i do try. People go through a series of friends for an answer before relying on me. Typical. Actually, i want to be somebody's first choice, for once u know. Instead of adding people in between. I really hate it. So while people are out seeking out their "best friends", here i am, being a loner as usual. So that's why i seem so anti-social eh. I have a million things to burst out. Mostly to my friends. Yet, for some paranormal reason, i always can't seem to do it. Be it acknowledging their flaws or perfections, or just plain 'in your face' kinda thing. Once u get down to it, i'm actually pretty deep. If of course u can reach that level especially when i'm not joking around. Philosophical, one might call me. Not all of it is crap. Listen a lil', it might actually be referring to you or potential ways to solve your problems. I really wish you know, but then again, if every wish came true, i wouldn't be here right now......

2008-01-12T01:29:00.000+08:00

Becoming real pissed with band nowadays. Not because of the practicing parts. Anyways, school has been exceptional really. Fewer subjects and more periods, i so wonder how they do it. I always have insomnia dammit. I just can't seem to drift asleep let alone dream. Books are my real best friends seeing that i'm like a last resort to everybody, and i'm not joking. Yea, bought Marley and Me the other day and no, i was not drawn in by the cover(then again, u guys hardly read books). The author's description of the last days of the dog is really intense and again, i almost cried. Yea, from the joyous and haphazard beginning to a solemn and sorrowful end(before he airs it in the papers), the book really seemed to capture my attention. Seems more like i'm writing a compo here but heck! O being an SL is awfully boring for now and mayhaps for the rest of my sec sch life. Not sure if we(SLs) get any additional CCA points, we have extra responsibility, double punishment, no free time, meetings and such. Which in the end adds up to wasting my life. The time spent well, wasting time in band could be used for a much better cause. I so want that time back when i'm on my deathbed. That time wasted could have been used for studying, practicing and most importantly, helping with the chores. So basically, screw it. I'm out-spoken, negotiable but not to be taken advantage of. The only reason i'm still in band is because i like that aesthetic point of it. Apparently not the admin points.....so wouldv'e rebelled by now otherwise. I can't think. I need more books. Hmm, i really shoudn't be getting writer's block since i'm writing a damn blog so when i run outta ideas, the post ends, basically. O yea, look, I ain't whining here, i'm pointing out the negative points of apparently, everything. The tone set is already negative, what else can there be. Heard of the phrase, 'practice makes perfect'? Frigging applies to the minority. The majority however can never be perfect. We are after all, human. Imperfections after all make up a human. If everything can be done perfectly without a hair out of place, you would either be sought after by governments, or be some kind of god. Ah ranting and straying out of point. Done.

2008-01-06T17:03:00.001+08:00

Well, my temper has gotten a hold of me again....not the first time yea. Yea but what i did say was true. Anyways, school has started again and well, lessons have been predictably boring. Then i wonder, will my results ever improve if i start of the year like this? Band this year will be troublesome, kinda obvious. Long pants are swelteringly hot, and i ain't allowed to pull em' up. Just figures, o and my apologies for the other day. I saw ads in today's Newpaper on Singapore Polytechnic and it seemed highly interesting. From the game design to music, aeronautical engineering and maritime thingy. Focus dammit. I haven't even bothered reading through a single textbook of mine. Leaving them in school might not have been such a great idea but, it works(until something gets stolen) Kay, another resolution, bring back at least one of my books over the weekends and read through it. Yea, that's all i guess. Can't find a thing to elaborate or chat about.

2008-01-01T00:30:00.000+08:00

Well, guys, i am must say that was fulfilling. Thanks guys for coming to my place and *cough* attempting to surprise me. Good day overall(although my nose still freaking hurts!!!). Never i guess, never have that many people come to my place to celebrate my birthday(unless u guys just wanted to freaking freeload). Good game, freakishly tired after that. I really can't express my gratitude that u guys showed up in words alone(no i won't hug u guys). Come to think of it, it never really occurred to me that u guys were planning to "surprise" me. Anyways, new year's day, anything new around here? New year resolutions yea? Block out my "bright" tone mayhaps. Ah have to study this year....haven't even freaking opened my books yet. So screwed, school tmr ain't it? Screw emo for now. I'm feeling ecstatic? Nope, too extreme. Elated mayhaps? Still no, guess i'll go for glad or happy. WEEEE!!! It is nice to be young. Saw my errrr....distant cousin get married on saturday. Other than the fact that either i was bloody anti-social or my cousins dun wanna talk to me, it got me thinking. Would i ever do that or something? Or maybe see my friends on that stage, kissing the bride, congratulating them with gleeful looks on my face. Well, it'll be a joyous occasion definitely. Marriages are so complicated.....O almost forgot. Today's my birthday, not really expecting presents since i've never really gotten loads of em before, but there, i'm 14. Doesn't make much of a difference now does it? My friends were 14 last year. They're so gonna be legal a year before i am. Should i be jealous or something? Wishes, wishes, do they honestly help? Ah honestly i didn't wish, not until now. Goodbye.

2007-12-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

I must apologize for yesterday's horrible grammar. Yea, watched I Am Legend today and although the acting and the plot was good, the ending was a little abrupt. Pretty disappointing for a Will Smith movie. Just my opinion, so don't sue me....just yet. Moved on again to Nodame Cantabile Live Action, where real actors act.....yea, live for a reason. Pretty hilarious as well but each episode is pretty long, around 45 minutes each. Happy boxing day though, although it was pretty boring for me. Then again....i have school to look forward to(note sarcasm) and a ton of textbooks to read.....part and parcel of life i guess. Whatever, i'll end here.....lacking inspiration for the posts. Too bad.

2007-12-25T19:29:00.000+08:00

Finished watching nodame cantabile yesterday i think and moved on to the manga. Yea so since this is a christmas post, i'll put in something special i can fish up. Errr...o yea, i still have to give presents to my friend. Oddly enough, u don't have anything to write about today. O yea, 2+a.m. in a shopping center(J8) is a good experience. Slightly creepy but yea, good experience. And thank you coffee bean for being open at that time. One of the phew cafes that were still open at that time. So after J8(which we walked to from CTK at 2+ in the morning), zach and i went to vetha's house to....play, yea. Stayed there till like 0730 and headed home. Lying isn't fun now. Nobody's like on msn now so it's major boredom to stay here. So i'll be off. O and merry christmas to all, even if nobody reads this blog.

2007-12-22T22:33:00.000+08:00

Been watching the anime, Nodame Cantabile recently. It's really motivated me, oddly enough. Like what am i in band for? Do i go for band because they force us to? That's an obvious no for me. I honestly have passion in my flute playing, but is it enough? Yea, new year resolution to come. I'm definitely gonna improve. Definitely. I wanna be better than my seniors, but most importantly, i wanna prove to myself that i am not a flop! I have what it takes. I will do better. I may not have natural talent but i have motivation now, and i am going t use it. I am gonna practice. Bring on the scales, the arpeggios, i'll take em on, i'll come out top. Yea, inspirational anime, for me.....maybe i was lacking that, the latter part of 2007. I slacked. No more. Studies do matter, but i do hope of course.

2007-12-20T19:46:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty glad. This is my first x'mas where people other than those living near me have bothered giving me presents. Thanks guys. Yea x'mas is all about christ's birth. It's also to celebrate and exchange gifts. People always say that "it's about the giving, not the receiving". I can't argue with that. It's great to buy something and see the smile on your friend's face when he opens it up. That is satisfaction. It doesn't have to be christmas to exchange presents though. Just treating your friend to a meal feels good if u dig deep away from your wallet. That inner satisfaction is much more pleasurable. Even if u don't like the gift your friend bought for you, u hav to think deep enough that, out of the many friends he has, he chooses u and gives u a present. The thought that he even bothered is very touching. That statement comes from the enlightenment of wednesday's party. Yea, that's all have to say for now. Just think a little, don't be skin-deep, figure out what's under the surface and u'll see a touching image, at least that's what i will feel.

P.S. This is entirely my opinion and emotions, if your's differ, please do not seek me out.

2007-12-17T20:02:00.000+08:00

In my whole life so far, i never actually shopped. This is the first x'mas where i'm actually shopping myself instead of asking somebody else to buy something for my friends. I never really did know that shopping was so bloody expensive. Anyways, yea this x'mas ain't just another passing year to me. It seems so different but yet it's just the year end. I'm getting pissed by listening to the radio. They're mentioning so much about christmas, every time they say it, something makes me shudder. This christmas feels meaningful for some odd reason. Yet i can't pinpoint it out, there's absolutely nothing to look forward to next year now is there? What can i do? Wish? Anyways i actually want somebody to reach out to me. I don't wanna hide behind a false pretense anymore. Sigh....whatever, i don't wanna impact anymore people....

2007-12-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

Went out with the usual(vetha, zac, chua+two other church friends who are girls of theirs) after band today. Band is getting well......odd. Watched golden compass.....lol bad decision in more than one way. Storyline hard to figure out, seemingly anti-christ, and was pretty boring.....i figured....things are way different on paper than in reality. The harsh truth of reality. Yea things may seem perfect on paper, example, a date. U plan and predict everything for the date including the weather yea? On the day itself, everything goes wrong. It rains, u take shelter and u're both drenched. U look at her and accidentally see through her errrr....blouse, yea. She takes you for a pervert and has a row with you. She eventually leaves out of anger and agitation leaving you bewildered and wondering. Another example is soccer. Let's try the Arsenal match against Boro. Who would have expected them to lose to Boro, no offence to Arsenal fans out there. Yea so even if planning seems good, i'll just make a summarised, rough plan of the event instead of listing every detail. I'll take things as they come for now. Don't want to think too much eh? Lol, heck i'll be gone then....

2007-12-10T22:03:00.000+08:00

Well, today was soccer, rain, Sarv's house and more rain. Rain was completely unpredictable and random.....maybe it's s sign of things to come? I hope not....anyways, today's topic is well "are humans savage, cruel or whatever other adjectives u can think of. I was watching errmmm, animal planet the other day and saw a male lion eating the cubs of another pride he has come into control of. The killings are supposedly to bring the females into heat so he can mate with them instead. Yea when i was watching that, the first thing i thought to myself was "sick, cannibalism, just plain wrong". Then today when i was flicking through my memories, doubts started invading my mind. Is it really savage? Are humans any different? Then i first looked at it from another perspective, animals just eat food naturally that they catch with their effort. What do humans do? They go to the market, buy food, go home and cook it under a fire. Mass slaughter of farm animals is just wrong for our benefit. Maybe we'll die off, but the view that animals are vicious and savage isn't true. What seperates us from animals anyways, manners? Civilization? So what? We are all living beings to begin with. Okay, this post might be a bit off the point but yea, just my view and opinion. Don't sue me and i apologise for anything that offends u. Yea, that's it.

2007-12-07T23:09:00.000+08:00

Hmmm i had a matured and profound chat with vetha, out of all people! Hahas, guess even he can be matured at times and worry about what lies ahead. I'm doing that sort of conversation quite often for some reason. Odd that we never thought about it before eh. Satisfaction. Today's.....well topic. Are humans ever satisfied? Like analogy here, u buy a new pair of shoes, few minutes later, u see another nicer pair of shoes and want to buy that as well. Yea that's how humans work. I'm not saying i dun fall under that category.....almost everybody will though. Yeah....just commenting on some of our flaws, but then again, aren't flaws what makes us human? If we were perfect, what is there to live for. We'd be like god or some heavenly being if we were perfect. Again, another example of unsatisfaction. We strive to correct our mistakes, out flaws and therein lies our flaw. Is the cycle that never-ending? That vicious? Why though, does it seem this way, why is it made in this manner? Is there a way to curb it? Why am i even asking those questions..they obviously can't be answered in this lifetime... or maybe not in the next as well.....geez, i think too much. Yep next time i'll be shallow and stick to the surface.....who am i kidding, analyzing is in me.....heck. Won't bore thee.

2007-12-06T21:08:00.001+08:00

Hmm......i can't stop speaking common jap. I almost said excuse me in jap and such. Geez...hard to get out of my head. O and the chat with kenneth really opened doors for me.....and left many open. All the whys and what ifs.....doubting one's existence in the miniscule galaxy? Yea....i nvr felt how much i actually loved this house until i came back from japan. It may not be likable but it has housed me all these years and hold many memories for me. All the fun ones and the crying ones, everything has been a part of my life and i can't deny that fact even if i don't like it. Looking back, i noticed how much this place has changed, how much the place has been modified. Sigh.... why is it that harsh memories get stuck with us for a long period of time while joyful ones can be forgotten easily. Do people actually count the blessings they receive throughout the day? They just remember and take into memory the unfortunate events that took place during that period. Who the heck started that ridiculous mindset. Using that, people will only get more and more sad. Thinking quite a lot about life all of a sudden. Odd though, how i couldn't care about this a year ago and i'm brooding about it now at the tender age of 13....sigh okay, don't wanna bore people so im outta here.

2007-12-06T10:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, japan trip was fun. The plane and coach ride was disastrous. Shopping was immense. Disneyland was great(minus queuing). Krispy Kreme donuts were heavenly. Food was well....okay. Mt. Fuji was friggin cold. Yea that's about it. Band Exchange was fun(considering we were crap compared to them). We even "interacted" where the retards entertained both parties. Sadly it was way short so too bad. Anyways, learned a few life lessons while living w/o parents for a week. It's unfortunately pretty sad for me.....but living and having fun with friends alike was worth the whole trip alone. Guess i can't live alone just yet eh. So i'll just live my childhood as much as possible for now, just a few years left. I only bought Vans shoes which almost the whole band copied! Lol and a final fantasy X original soundtrack. O and wendy's fast food was much better than anything in here though. O O and Helen the baby fox was so damn touching even if i was watching on a tiny monitor. I almost damn cried(which is saying something). The shows we watched on the plane yea, one more was Maiko Haaaaan! Damn the earlier parts were hilarious then it turned towards life lessons(dun wanna elaborate, search it up on wiki or smth). I wonder though, the shows i watched weren't even considered by my bandmates, lol, exquisite tastes for movies. Yea, i'll end the summary here so u ppl can continue living their lives and avoid the noise behind me made by my "neighbours" whom i have nvr met. Lol sayonara

2007-11-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

Why do i get the feeling that i'm being hated more by everyone. It's odd, the feeling, it's creeping up my back. Okay errr, day sucked, packed bits and felt absolutely horrible. Again! I feel that something's missing. How pathetic. Maybe i'm desperate for company.....not the first time anyways. Maybe i need love, to be shown and cared about. To be in attention....odd though. I feel odd......i'm gonna crack. What else can possibly go wrong around here. What can possibly make me feel worse......apparently the moment i wrote that, many things can racing thru my head. I can imagine that comment becoming true. I need to prove that i'm important, i need to prove that i can contribute and i need to prove most of all that i exist for a bloody reason. Feeling way pent up but yea, maybe this happens when u keep quiet for almost a day. What i'm putting on in reality is a show. I would so like somebody to bother and ask about the real me, to worry and concern themselves over my pathetic lifeless limbs. Maybe keeping this up aint no good, hard to reveal myself really, seems bad no matter what situation i put myself in. I so wanna shout and let it out. Sigh but i refrained myself and blogged instead. Nvm, i'll end here.

2007-11-24T00:33:00.001+08:00

I'm a major ass. Okay, went for band in the morning. Hey! I wasn't late.....again. Yea the point is i wasnt late. Blah blah went for lunch then home. Went for mass at 8 b4 eating supper with vetha and reaching home at 10+. Yea, i can't believe my fucking mentality. Something's screwed in my head. Why the hell do i have the urge to do that(not porn or any other perverted actions FYI). Wth can't i change. Okay i noe it's just a dip in my career but i can't seem to stop it. I'm not even good to begin with. I so feel like strangling somebody now. Where's a sibling when i need one. Argh! O and i like singing, a lot actually. But again that friggin mentality comes into play. Missing some virtues here.....okay it seems a lot like something perverted but i can reassure u guys that it has absolutely nth to do with that. Ah whatever, im gone

2007-11-23T01:09:00.000+08:00

Too lazy to put up pics of the pizza hut fiasco. Had a hell of a day today. Skip everything till after band. Went to play soccer, then went to chin hong's house then went for sing-out at SCH. Okay enuf bout my day. Was reading up more about King Arthur and his knights yea.One of his most trusted knights had an affair with his wife, the queen and sparked the fall of his kingdom i think. Also had a chat with Chua, basically i'll play long notes. However, i just dun hav the mindset and dedication for that kind of hardcore daily routine. I just dun hav that kind of mentality. Maybe my brain is still in the processing stage but still, it may lack the maturity to do that kind of things. Sigh, i'm bloody paranoid. Paranoid i tell you! I guarantee that. Ahahs, i have no plans again. Take things as they come i say! Especially like my own personal slogan, JIC, just in case yeah? Wikipedia is damn useful. So is deviant art. Argh! Who am i kidding, i'm just typing all this crap cuz i have nth to say. Wtf?! I'm coming home late lately. It seems awfully ironic. I can't believe i hav that little willpower. Give me strength. Geez, im fed up with cocky attitudes and shit-ass behavior. Sometimes, u people jus tempt me to rebel. Do u guys honestly like it? I know the consequence. I know what will happen. I'm not dumb. But u people just make me wanna refuse and rebel. Sure u guys are nice enuf people behind the scenes but think would ya. Firstly, lecturing and punishing us on doing something wrong when u people are guilty of the same thing makes my blood boil. U can't expect us to be angels all the time dammit! Next, picking on people u dun like is shit. What kinda crap is going on in yur heads?! Honestly, u think that lecturing or punishing us will goddamn help?! No it bloody wont! It will just make us despise u people and make us lose respect for u. That's enuf of a rant. End of message/|~

2007-11-21T23:55:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was chaotic really. Left for Terence's house even though i didnt go to band. Was feeling better by then anyways. Played till 6 before going to AMK pizza hut with Vetha. Chaotic it was. The chilli flake umm jar? Yea the lid was loose and most of the flakes dropped onto my 6 inch pizza. Bloody horrid. Even the taste sucked. Damn u vetha. Whenever i go to pizza hut with u, something will surely go wrong. Like last time when we didnt have enough to pay the bill. Wtf man vetha! So left to Chua's place after "dinner" and played a bit of soccer. Nothing much bout today though. "Next prac(band). 9.30am-1.00pm. Bring passports to hand in. No late comers. No one to forget to bring. Spread to all". That basically sums it all up doesnt it. Sigh, o and i got a new fantasy to build on. Hmm, it involves me having wings and magic. Hahas, laugh if u want. It's to kill time anyways. It all seemed highly dramatic enough in my head. Bleh, wishful thinking again. O and for the spammers on my friendster, why does it only seem to be arsenal fans who are spamming around? Quote, "no-lifers". This post was about my days eh. There wont be many of these, they'll be mostly about my feelings and thoughts. Maybe it should be thoughts and feelings but heck, it aint no matter no more. Heck,```` tada~~~~(purpose)

2007-11-20T12:54:00.000+08:00

Just been blog-hopping around yeah? Didnt go for band today. Something has to be wrong if you sleep for a full 12 hours and still feel tired right? So i continued sleeping the rest of the morn. I got the urge to kick something again. Hahs so freaking typical of me. O and again, i'm associating more with my band mates and well, neglecting my own circle of friends. Nothing new about that from their point of view. It's as if my whole social life is being consumed by band. Hey, not complaining though. However, if not for band i would be in a whole larger circle of friends? Maybe a girlfriend even(cough like wtf!). It's like a double-edged blade isn't it. Have yet to purchase my school books for next year and the long pants. Hahas, maybe i'll ask Terence to give me his, then i'll cut it or something. O and we had another two pieces to practise, not exactly suicidal standard but not cheapo(wtf?!) as well. "Playable" yeah? O a topic just surfaced in my head. Boys in an all-boys school are almost surely very deprived and desperate. Especially if u come from a whole series of boys schools. Pure boys schools will almost surely be pretty vulgar as well. Be it in cantonese or english or whatever other dialect u can think of. I can't find evidence that we do better than co-ed schools though. Maybe i'm wrong, but hey! i'm just voicing out my opinion here. Don't assume i'm slandering you people or nuts. Hmmm. ~Tralala~

2007-11-19T10:41:00.000+08:00

Die joshua! Wanted to call me in the morn did ya? Wth happened to that. O and would u bloody answer yur fone. Geez.....o jason said mr lin "should" be coming today yea? I'm blogging early in the morn cuz well, im bored. Odd, the word bereaved just popped into my head. Going out for lunch with gerard, kenneth and jude just before band i think. Typical outing with the clarinets. Hmm, what did i fantasize about yesterday night. Argh i cant remember! Saber is so damn cool/cute yea? Sometimes, when i do something, i can figure out what the other party is going to do and how he will respond. It's odd that i take into perspective these events though. I can occasionally fathom the reasons behind doing that particular act even in reality. Yea and i can usually predict what's going to happen in a tv show or series. Weird, i never analyzed that much of myself before. Ah! I'm hungry.

2007-11-18T22:16:00.000+08:00

Okay, Ichigo 100% must be stupidest anime i have watched so far. Like wtf?! Great, just perfect. Hmmm, i do wonder what to blog about today. Havent found a single topic to discuss about in the entire ummm, 16 or so episodes. Except, mayhaps err "do not double/triple or 'quadruple' time with girls". Apparently, it'll hurt. I'm stuck, what to write, what to write. I've like just found interest in "the legend of King Arthur" after watching Fate/stay night yea? It seemed like a good legend to delve into. So many different variations, but i cant find a connection. It's also a tad blurry in how he first got the sword. Did he draw caliburn/excalibur from the stone or was it given to him by the "lady of the lake". It all did seem highly amusing at how they always seemed to end. He got severely injured by his nephew and gets taken to Avalon for treatment and it stops there. Die or survive to fight again, apparently the story doesnt continue. I feel like kicking something. Like an itch on my leg to kick. Let's see, band tmr at 1. Parents gotta come at 7. Doubt mine will though, but not to worry my notebook used for novels should suffice. Yea, that's it i guess.

2007-11-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

Another series made me ponder. Is it really possible to save someone without sacrifices. By sacrifices, i dun mean deaths or any of that sort. Hmmm, lets say u're stuck in a situation. Two of your best friends are in a near death situation. However, u can only save one. U pick guy A, which means that guy B would hav to die. Same thing even without the death penalty. For every person u help or save, will there be one hu's cowering and waiting to be saved? Dun say these anime series are worthless wastes of money and time. They honestly make me think. Okay, maybe everybody wont notice this, but i will. The world has endless problems, true? One guy cant right the world even in his entire lifetime. Sure, u can influence people and countries mayhaps and be ordained a saint. Kay, another analogy, let's say u wanna solve the problem about pollution. Can u possibly influence everybody in the world to stop polluting or go on an anti-pollution campaign? Figure it out. Kay back to daily life experiences. According to Chan, there will be band next week on mon, tues, thurs, fri and sat. Hardcore eh? Gotta practise new pieces for Japan exchange. Which reminds me, i still have yet to start the slightest bit of packing. Lol, ah well im gone

2007-11-15T23:54:00.000+08:00

I've been sleeping late almost every night nowadays, which is probably a bad thing. Was late for the voluntary band practice today apparently, 1hr 18mins late. Awoke at 1045 when it started at 1000. Lol unimaginable. Found a magnificently interesting series, Fate/Stay Night. Band was fun, yea im going next week as well i think. O and for those who actually read this blog, dun advertise or spread it around kay? My feelings, thoughts and hopes are up here so yea dont. Went to Terence's house after band, nice place. Sigh, gives me bad feelings though. Heck im gonna watch ep 3. Bleh

2007-11-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling down at the moment. Found out that i'd rather do body signals than talk. Apparently i dont like talking especially if it's for no reason. I do wonder though, what would my parents do if i ran away from home. On one hand, it could bring them together but on the other, they might blame each other over it. Doubt i will though, not in the mood and age for "soul-searching" just yet. I want to excel in something. I want to do something that i can be proud of. What should i pursue, sigh. Mayhaps, since i like writing that much, i could become an author, mayhaps the next J. K. Rowling. Well, i wont reveal that a major character is homosexual though. That would be kinda unnecessary(no offence). I wonder how it would be like, u know, to be normal. To see things from another person's eyes. Maybe life would be more easily understood if such a thing was possible. I wanna be more outgoing, if find myself cringing at the stupidest of situations. My studies have never been outstanding, my athletics way rusty and my aesthetics is nothing to be proud of. I wanna be praised actually, even if it was for the tiniest of things. Maybe i'm asking too much, life isnt like that. U cant sit there and expect things to come to u. U gotta reach out and grab it to be able to comprehend the situation. This might be an amateur talking about life and i may have no rights to talk about this matter but this is after all, my blog and my feelings.

2007-11-12T12:32:00.000+08:00

Okay, i would like to dedicate this post to everybody who helped made my 360 work, even if it was for a short period of time. Sadly, it's still not working. Sigh.....Honey and Clover made me think. What does life have in store for us. Our ambitions, hopes, loves and friends. Will it make a difference? It was classified under slice of life as a genre. Apparently it was a huge slice. What should i pursue further on? Kay, maybe i'm too young to be pondering on things like this but preparation would really help. We are going to grow up, we cant live the life we're living forever can we. The step into adulthood is a huge leap, youth can't last forever. Yea and another point made in the show, what happens to failed relationships? Do they just drift apart or do u continue to hope. The series touched on many aspects of life, and should really be appreciated. We will have to work, most of us will have a family, and when that happens, how are we going to cope with it. It might be a tad hasty for me to discuss all these things. I'm not capable of planning for the future either. But it really sets a talking point especially for those who juz loaf around, wasting valuable time of their lives. People would love to buy back time wasted in their youth on their deathbed even more so if they're parting with loved ones but once gone, can never be returned.

2007-11-11T14:47:00.001+08:00

Hmm, just returned from the "after-church excursion". Okay not really. I came back at 2. So this is what it feels like to wake up early on a weekend.....i feel so drained and tired. That could be from the fact that i slept at 2am. I guess i'll attempt to have an afternoon nap. If i can fall asleep that is. I found a new well, fantasy scenario to build on..... how i wish it was true. Yawn, my flute "skills" seem to have dimmed. I'm slacking i guess..... my jaw muscles seem weak. Well, i am weak anyways. So no new discovery there. Apparently i like singing, it's fun in a way i guess. I can attempt to think on the go and make up words that rhyme. Whatever, i'll end.

2007-11-11T00:41:00.000+08:00

The console's just being highly inconsistent or so i hope for now. Went to AMK hub again.....with vetha yea? Did almost nothing there. Stinking ice cream. I was complaining about being hungry even after the ice cream so i suggested pizza hut. Bad choice.....turned out we didnt have enough money....lol. We basically owed them $1....geez talk about bad timing. This world seems so fascinated bout how people present themselves or what people have to hide. True, those aspects of humanity are important. However, it is becoming highly overrated in this age and time(seems more like a report or oral session). People should just accept that others are different and are free to pursue anything in life that they can reach. Too much emphasis is placed on how they are so different, how they stand out and how they behave that the flaws and imperfections are what makes us unique and more importantly, human. Yeah, so i figured, acceptance is sought after and so is youth apparently. I dun get the point of wishing to be young again or wanting to turn back time. Sure, the joys of youth are hard to come by in adult life. I find that youth, experienced once in a lifetime, can last eternity. Wondrous memories, reminisced in time open the door to fantasy. Sigh, ending now

2007-11-10T15:50:00.000+08:00

Honey and Clover is a good series apparently even though im half way thru it. Kay, japan trip is on the 28th alright. It's expected to be cold and well.....im not one who thrives in that range. Or the complete opposite actually. I'm liking blogging more and more. Even more so than when i made this blog. I guess it sorta fills a hole in my life, replacing the usage of a diary. But still, some secrets can never be shared online eh. Alright, im hating this house more and more. Okay boredom and so pushed aside, this house is deteriorating. Everything is falling apart. Okay, almost everything. Nothing in this place ever meets my expectations. From the console curse to the leaking taps. Everything here is not working at it's full potential. Except perhaps my books which dun really fall under that category. If anybody does read this post, i'm desperate to go out. C'mon call me or smth. Even a chat on the phone is better than nothing. Please??? It's november 10th yea? What have i accomplished so far in this holiday. Push aside negative incidents and u get basically nothing, with the exception of buying a shirt. Ah damn it, maybe it'll be better if i move to another house. Somewhere in AMK too but just not here.......

2007-11-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

I figured something else about me today. Dun wanna noe??? Close the page. I couldnt care less. Well, i am easily affected by shows, songs or any sort of media basically. Like when i was watching an anime series(6 episodes long) earlier. It was a sad series but a great storyline with a good amount of drama and comedy mixed with romance. Yeah the series was great....but short unfortunately. Ah well, nobody reads this so u guys wun ask for the title. Man! That was extremely contradicting. Lol anyways, back to topic. After watching the show, i was like super emo and sentimental. To the extent of giving my mother a cold shoulder....geez, i'm so damn weak. I love the combination of drama,comedy and romance moulded into a series. Doesnt have to be anime, i'll definitely appreciate it. Although i might sometimes cringe at the complete melodrama of the situation. I'm still weak, but i wont go to the extent of shutting out my emotions and become cold and indifferent. That's the worse case scenario if u delve further into the matter. I am rather sentimental arent i.....is it a strength??? Or perhaps a weakness.....then again. Is it considered any of the above? So many questions......life ahead will be harsh. Definitely.

2007-11-06T13:08:00.000+08:00

Kay, now then, errrr, elated! It works man! Thank you gerard and joshua! It seems to like it when ppl come over and use it instead of just me. Anyways, life nowadays has been well, boring. Nothing new. No big deal. Same-old, same-old yea? Hope to be going out later. Apparently it's ryan's b'day. Maybe watch a movie or smth. I figured something. Im effing sensitive. As in emotionally not physically. Like i can get hurt emotionally very easy. Hahas maybe im weak. Perhaps eh. The people around me havent really changed. Kinda sad in a way. I like fantasizing and putting myself in a book or something. I enjoy that alot. Weird??? In a way. Like errr, let's say okay? I just watched an anime series. It was very interesting, the storyline was marvellous, the characters were greatly visualised, maybe a love scene or two. Then i'll accept it. Yadayada, i go to sleep. Well, im one for the insomnia kinda thing. I just can't sleep sometimes. So to take my mind of "wishing fo sleep", i take my mind and shove it into the plot of the certain anime i've watched. So when i do that, it turns out it's even harder for me to sleep. But i just seem so well "addicted" to it in a way. Damn, there's a fine line between reality and fantasy. And i'm living on the edge. How i wish with all my weak might that i can magically get transported to that world and live among them. That really maes me a pathetic pitiful human being. Kay going out now. Poof, im gone

2007-11-05T10:49:00.000+08:00

I'm effing worried. No, seriously. No, it's not about academics. No, it's not about my love life(which is non-existent). Okay, went for mass yesterday evening. At bout....6pm mass in SFX. Met up with jerome after mass and went to play soccer in umm....kensington park i think. Had fun yea? After soccer, which lasted till 9, we went to chomp chomp to eat. Geez.....delayed like hell. Ended up reaching home, wet and late.(11pm....) Yea, felt super hot even inside my air-conditioned room. And it's still not working! What should i do? Help????? O and gotta do something till the japan trip man. Other ppl hav class chalets and hu noes what other bonding activities. Yawn. I lead a sad, sad life.

2007-11-02T22:48:00.001+08:00

Alright, had band today yea? Err, completely sucked in my opinion. Way out of practice. Which was what i predicted apparently. Quite a number of ppl didnt attend the practice but heck. Went to Macs again.....bored of it already. Stayed there for quite a measurable period of time. O and that ummm "book" im writing. I have no idea what the ending is going to be myself. I build it along as it goes. Anti-planning baby. So far, i've written 3 and a half pages of a few incidents only. This might take some time but if it turns out well, it will be the second piece of work i'm proud of. Kay, went to Chin Hong's house after macs with Jason and Aloysius. Felt so sleepy. Met up with my mother for dinner after that at 7+++ at AMK hub area. Yawn, to a new topic. Elfen Lied was majorly entertaining and touching in a way. It's a must watch for ppl hu's parents arent home or sleep alot. Warning though, not for the super sensitive and the faint-hearted. Ah heck, im done here. Next band prac on tues if im not wrong and i dun think i am unless they change the date. So yea, im outta here

2007-11-01T13:35:00.000+08:00

Apparently, the holidays suck more this year than any other previous years. Still did something productive yesterday. Played soccer till....errr....930, 940??? Yea my feet totally ached by the time we finished. That's what happens when i dun wear proper soccer boots. Ah shit it. I'll go watch some anime. Yawn....no way am i gonna doze off at the computer screen. I'm gone for now

hmmm.....a blessing in disguise?

2007-10-30T21:19:00.000+08:00

Well(my posts usually start with well doesnt it), my streaming results were distributed to us today. Combination C with Hist, POA and Lit yea. O and without chinese. I hate the way the school does things. If they could ask us to fill up the streaming form online, why cant they inform us thru the net anyways. What the heck. Noooo we had to go to school instead which meants uniform, shoes and cough** school socks(which i didnt wear). Had to wake up earlier as well. Friggin lazy! Awoke at 1004(dun ask abt the odd timing) then set my alarm clock for 1014.....o and it was frigging noisy as well. My phone kept ringing. First the school called at 8++ in the morning. WTF! Yea then my friends smsing me and such. Was half asleep when i replied them. Not even sure if it was a dream...doubt it. So slacked the day off with joshua who came my house. Thank you Joshua if u're reading this for you-know-what. Man! U're great! Woo! It still works! Kay that's about it and believe it or not, my mother juz came home at 930!? Hahas starved up till now and i still hav to wait for the food.....yea that's about it. Hmph....amusing.....

lack of innovation

2007-10-29T22:54:00.000+08:00

Well, how does this go. Damn it! I dun wanna stay home! I so wanna go out! Sadly.....nobody's ever free. Argh is this the stinking holidays or not! Feels more like im under house arrest! I've been reading manga online lately to pass time yeah. Main band on friday....recruit band on thurs and fri. I so wanna go on thurs! Arghhhh! Home sucks, totally. Who the hell am i ranting to anyways. Nobody ever reads this man. So it officially serves as an outlet to express my feelings. I honestly dun give a damn whether u guys hate me or love me. It doesnt matter. It never did. Give me a good repeat good book. Im tired of typical storylines where it swerves around and changes plot all of a sudden. It's honestly super predictable. Actually, im pretty stressed by staying at home. Somebody save me. Free me from oppression. Be my saviour! Lead me to salvation! Geez....sorry if it seems familiar. But it's for my situation. Ah shit it.

completely dying of boredom

2007-10-29T13:46:00.000+08:00

Kay, its the first day of the holidays and apparently im already super bored. *Yawns* I so need a life. Zac's gonna get new specs made, and Vetha's bro is at home. Lol, which means that im stuck in this hellhole. O and i found a fetish for catchy japanese pop songs. Hahs! Juz a moment ago, i hit my chair against the computer table cum personal library and the books dropped on me. It was more scary than painful. Imagine u were juz gonna read through somebody else's blog then all of a sudden, the books drop on your head and shoulder. Super surprising and scary. I feel like getting a job to pass the time. Yeah and my results were okay, with the exception of maths sadly.....let's see
English-------B4
Maths--------C5(shit)
Science-------B4
Geography---A2(proud of this)
History-------B4(proud i didnt fail)
Literature----B4
DnT----------A2(doesnt really matter)
Home Ec-----B4(lucky considering the effort put in)
"Visual"Arts--C5(whatever)
CME----------A
Music---------A

Yeah the results are kinda gay and some of u might be wondering where is the chinese language. FYI, i dun take it no more. It's chinese syllabus B for me now. In my first semester of sec one, i took chinese and well.....F9 yeah, lol. Percentage---57. Second half of sec 1 w/o chinese and its percentage---61.3. See how chinese is a hindrance to me?? Yeah that's about it to end this rant.

I'm just doing this post because im "majorly" bored.

Worried....

2007-10-24T13:49:00.000+08:00

Well, tried to play the 360 earlier but apparently the screen was like blank even though the sound was on. Totally worried man. The wad....third console that broke?! No way! Like wtf! My com game's undergoing a patch and Vetha wouldn't reply....which basically means that i really have nothing to do at home now. Ah more irony....there's also band tmr though. There should be practice i think...there better be....lol. And think....this is the last week of school? Which means even more boredom starting next week....im juz blogging cuz there's nth to do. Can't play soccer, run or anything physically challenging that involves using my feet still due to my blistered foot....and i assume that my class couldnt even win a single match at the inter-class tournament. Sigh mayhaps i'll blog later again to include the rest of the day but i'll doubt it unless something interesting happens. Watching chrono crusade or whatever nowadays to pass time while entertaining myself. Yea ending the post now....geez

New hobby mayhaps?

2007-10-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

Well, im getting pretty interested in drawing manga or shud i say attempting to draw manga. Yea basically trying i guess. Not saying im exceptional or anything, juz giving myself a chance to not rot away of boredom. Kay, anyways life nowadays really sucks. Played soccer in the morning, on a muddy field(Must've rained like crap earlier) . One may think im over-reacting, exaggerating or whatever, but truth was, the pitch was completely waterlogged and we could hardly kick the damned ball. Lol, kinda funny come to think of it. The ball would "magically" lose it's kinetic energy when it streamed thru the puddles. Okay, have yet to complete the NYAA form given to me by Apple and i think Ms kaur. Whatever, i'll juz scribble crap on it tmr. Fast-forward to after sch(at 12++). Went to play soccer at what, Hougang street 12 or smth. Got this huge blister on my left foot, probably my fault for playing without shoes(which were still wet from washing, now they stink). It burst and now im limping, lol. Ah, how ironic. And that basically ends the day with nth interesting left to complain or converse about. O i hope to get into comb A with POA, doubt it considering my maths was completely like pixie(dunnoe why i put pixie, it juz came out) shit. Feeling pretty good today eh. Time to end the post though. O and jubilated that Raikkonen won the F1 championship:P.

2007-10-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

86th post so far, which seems extremely little seeing how long this blog has been "living". Well, exams have been over for a long time and halfway thru getting back my results. Satisfied with some and not so for the others, wun dwell on it however. Still figuring wad "combination" to take next year. I so dun wan combined sciences. I seem different somehow in some aspect i juz cant pinpoint. I just am i guess. Maybe influences(cough) have been getting into my head and apparently staying there. Promotion meeting tmr so i get to stay home, temporarily anyway before i head to the stinking doctors. Like wtfh! Still cant make up my mind whether to skip sch and band on friday or go for it anyways even though i believe it'll be admin shit. I seem to be developing an attitude which i am not too proud of but then again, hu the hell bloody cares. To think that innocence is a once in a lifetime thing we go through is really pityful. Wad is happening to this world dammit. Wad happened to ppl rubbing sticks together to ignite a flame? Wad happened to the stone carvings on the damn walls. Noooo, nowadays u hav something called a lighter to ignite flames, awfully high-tech eh. Now, we have writing pads to scribble our shit on, excessively creative! The chain of evolution is awfully cruel with each stage worsening the already horrible crisis of our planet. Can't believe ppl cant get this shit into their frigging heads. Is it that hard to bloody imagine the consequences? Or are u so fucking self-centered such that "Hey, i already am the world. People will die without my inventions or some more primitive contraptions. Cant u bloody people realise that without this beloved planet, your bloody contraptions wont be bloody effective(unless u magically produce something to counter this effect)? Okay this post may be a fucking rant but i hope nobody holds no grudges against me(especially not after the first incident,lol) .This post may have no goddamn basis on fact but i dun really give a fucking damn. My opinions, my emotions, my words and my frigging blog to fend u guys off. I also dun care if u read this and think i'm a fucking ass that deserves to get struck by magical lightning from the heavens cuz honestly i dun give a shit. Dun read this for all i care, it doesnt make a difference to me. So get lost u bloody haters and go spam somebody else's damn website.

P.S. I DUN GIVE A BLOODY DAMN
and i gave up on the bold and italics

2007-09-27T21:41:00.000+08:00

Seems im continueing from the earlier post where apparently, my teacher asked the guy hu was using blogger to close before it was shut down. Some bitch she is. Wondrous time though. Waste of it. Been stressing(never though i would. I hate the new me) about my stupid maths folders since 8 i think finally think i either got 35 or 36. Thought i lost the term 3 file. Phew. Okay....been using my flute quite often today. Bcuz my com sucks honestly and i didnt fucking revise. Geez.....somebody punch me(seriously). EOY EL on mon. Gotta re-memorise the stupid formal letter format lest i forget. Hopefully my habit of writing "emo" stuff wont get into my compo. But even if it does, i think i'll pass as it'll be awfully descriptive. Lol. So yeah. Can't wait for my EOYs to finally end even though it hasnt started. I'm definitely revising tmr even if i hav to carve it onto my palm as apparently marker doesnt work. Hope tmr will be fun. I've got MT last two periods and im taking CLB(which most probably means im going home alone again). Maybe i shud ask JK on how to draw those awfully cute characters of his. It's getting me hooked. Ah i'll end it now although if i think somemore, something will get into my brain and eventually my typing so im off...

2007-09-27T11:16:00.000+08:00

Im in school, great. Supposed to do some art prep work now. Sigh....typical. The teacher seems mental and shouts all the time. Or maybe its our class. Lol and its a real tough job not to get the teachers to notice this...hate em really...so im making a short one.

holes

2007-09-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

Err...lately i've been watching loads of anime for entertainment purposes and everytime a series ends i feel super empty inside for some unfounded reason. I go all dramatic and such all over shows. Argh just can't describe that feeling whenever i watch it. Other than that, parents out, only child. Hmmmmm things may get a tad messy.....or not considering im hopeless. Gotta study gotta study but then i wonder, wads the point of studying hard, being successful, earning money, being wealthy when u're eventually gonna die like the rest of the mortals out there. Ppl say that there's only 1 life best to make the most out of it. How to when im alr falling off my chair honestly. However i still cant get myself to study alone/responsibly w/o parents nagging. Geez....which reminds me, i havent blogged in ages and got out of the mood to talk abt my daily activities but mostly my mood and how i feel. Seems like im opening up to this electrical object. I figured that mostly everybody in my class hav started studying. Isit bcuz im a year younger than my peers? That's y i cant motivate myself to study and worry like the other boys?! Then even sec ones are studying(although they really dun need to)! I'll try to get myself to study......wads with this shit of an attitude. NOT try MUST dammit. I dun wanna waste myself in this cruel money-revolving sphere of a world. Switching off b4 i curse and swear. Which reminds me, im bringing a notebook to school tomorrow. It'll be like my diary obviously but with a completely diff purpose. It's gonna be fun!woo!!

lacking motivational drive

2007-09-13T19:42:00.000+08:00

Okay im now on post no.81 and things arent really going well. Think im in some trouble with my EL teacher...geez and it's abt 2 weeks to exams...."18 days then minus sleeping time, time in school, traveling time and u only hav less than a week left"...tsk, pathetic. So i think it's the first time im actually blogging with a title.....nvr found the need to put one perhaps. Argh i can't find the bloody motivation to stinking study....actually i cant really blame myself...i nvr studied alone/revised alone. I noe i hav to but i juz dun noe how to. Some mental block in my mind preventing me from being serious? Or maybe im juz plain ignorant. Im still paying more attention to the flute than to the books and that has to be turned around for me to get thru this year well.....honestly! However, i do feel very rebellious....but at the wrong time. Im forcing myself to go for the geog remedial next week else i wud really fail it. My maths is deteriorating as well not sure abt the other subjects though. Can't wait for the exams to finally end even though they havent started. Freedom! Anti-oppression! COMMUNISM! Or not.....Gotta focus now. Can't juz laze around doing nothing but daydreaming as i always do. I'll force myself to pay attention even if it means slashing my limbs.......okay strike that out. Something less extreme perhaps but still dedicated to paying attention......for now maybe. Im gone

i dun do titles.

2007-08-29T20:30:00.000+08:00

Errr...did an english test today....didnt feel like much but i'd rather not comment....might hav to eat my words if i did suckishly. So past few days were equally suckish anyways. Teacher's day is coming on friday.... unfortunately, i cant skip....sigh. OMG...i seriously dun believe myself...instead of practicing my flute, i am playing pokemon yellow on my handphone....like wth. Although i shud be studying but heck. Been quite some time since i last blogged and i dunno wad to write anymore. Geez...i find love hina the anime and book pretty interesting once u get past those bits....okay...being totally random. History totally sucks.....its effing boring but my geog aint no good sadly. I noticed that, in my opinion, the first season of every anime/comic/book wadever is always the best. draft autosaved at 8.40 PM. Dun think i'll do well for the upcoming SA2 though. Not exactly confident or maybe im the kind of person who works best under pressure....aww...my phone's outta batt since i've been playing for like eternity. Sigh...gotta go charge it now. Ah i give up. I'll stop blogging to go play....can't seem to keep myself occupied for more than 10 mins. Arghhh!!

2007-08-17T20:37:00.000+08:00

Kay....umm sch was boring...with double maths to start the day, wad do u expect...sigh. Went ahead with P.E. after that which also turned out to be boring actually.....only after recess did the fun pick up. Ummm....DnT! WOOHOO. Managed to get the artifact(not sure if its spelled artefact) almost ready...or not. Spent to much time filing...lol perfectionist. Yeah then zac and vetha came my place....felt real bored when they left. Sigh....tmr's a saturday at least....gonna be boring but hey, its better than sch. Hopefully there's band on monday or smth.....can't wait for the exams....juz want it to pass quickly...no crap. Going away....

2007-08-16T13:23:00.000+08:00

Alright.....concert yesterday was pretty much pretty average, nth special. Basically for me anyways, everything was fine till saigon...sure its war but....geeez....was ridiculous. Hopefully the audience thinks we're good and manages to pass it off...so dun tink there will be any band pracs from now on....maybe a scheduled recruit prac once in awhile but nth more than that i think. So....loads of free time on my hands now. Came back home bout 12 yesterday....had to lug the percussion instruments up 4 storeys again.....at night.....after concert....tired. Yeah pretty much. Took cab home after that...i intend to pay jchua soon.....now a loads been taken off my back with the concert over....wasnt nervous! WEE was pretty fun actually. Didnt sweat thru the thing till.........saigon. Sigh. Not sure why though. Maybe listening to the mistakes made me sweat. lol going off now.

2007-08-12T15:40:00.001+08:00

Apparently, im on my 78th post so far....wad an accomplishment. Though i would give up before reaching this number.Kay day was totally horrible....so far. Broke my mother mary clock and light(damn it) in the morning when awakening to get up for masterclass.....and well...as late because of that. So met up at tpy w/o Ck cuz he said he had to be in m'sia or smth. Kay....met at 830 perhaps(which meant i awoke at 7+)? Went to tampines and well ya...had masterclass obviously. Went to j8 at 1230....persuaded JK and Dkd to stay with me and hav well...."lunch". Wanted to go to Jk's place but he head piano and 4 and it was really pointless. So came back and tried this weird game called ummm "voodoo mini's" which was real odd....cant describe much bout it cuz i dun really noe it that much. Yar...so now im here....these few days are so tiring.....can't wait for wednesday.....hopefully we sound good....signing off.....(phew....nth vulgar today)

2007-08-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

Well, starting off today's post shud be no prob, zac and vetha came my place today.....wonder y when i was the one who wanted to go out. Okay, the national day parade is way flashy....with what was supposed to commemorate the day singapore gained independence seems like a way to show wad it has to offer. ah well wad do u expect. they hav to make it flashy as marina is a new venue. Enuf said bout the parade, i hav band tmr from 830 to 3++...double plus cuz it will surely be extended. Okay then.....something's missing so far in my adolescent life...juz can't grip it. Feeling distraught dammit. Huge chunk of my soul missing for some strange reason...in need of serious entertainment....letting myself rot away at home...sigh...life sucks. Stupid teen talk clip my VE teacher showed us....quote"if u think of sex as jumping off a building and is rooted deeply enuf in u, u will not do it. Cuz obviously if u jump down a building, u will die so people wont be like 'hey let's jump off a building and see if we die' obviously not right, so if it rooted deeply inside u, u wont do it" like wth!? Sure but maybe if we're ina mixed sch u could say that more often but...we're 13/14 and hardly care.How often can people like me hang out with girls anyways. Geez....sign off first...

2007-08-08T10:29:00.000+08:00

Kay...didnt go to sch today....obviously able to see why. So, i dunno....juz posting to entertain myself while im at home....which totaly sucks....but way better than school. Still, i figure that...o juz got a call....great....the day juz became better so much better i could puke....something's troubling me on the inside...juz cant seem to figure out wad is. It's bloody tearing me apart.....feel so irritated dammit!!!!!!! No idea how to suppress it but i juz can't figure it out! Okay gabriel, breathe in, breathe out.....fuck! It fucking aint helping.....maybe severe boredom.....doubt it....lack of company.....possibly...DAMN! Maybe i shud divulge myself in a book if that would help....feel so goddamn helpless...fuck it. Everything just bloody sucks nothing's interesting anymore....feeling better now....at least chatting with humans are better than juz emo-ing at home...bloody hate to emo.....ah sign off now.....so damn suckish"

2007-08-06T21:40:00.000+08:00

Kay....a would describe today as a pretty much average day. Sch totally sucked....as usual anyways...when has sch actually been fun. Could hav spent the time doing something more produtive.....or entertaining to say the least. Yesterday was boring w/o masterclass...stayed home and got my hair cut in the noon. Think i look horrible although my father says it's so called "neat". English period was fun though....the only actual fun subject the whole day. Had crap for art but then again.....hu cares. Band seemed well.....on the whole, pretty enjoyable in a sense. Still wonder though....cant find the bloody sickening reason behind it.....seems to be eluding me for some reason.....sigh. Now wad....home sucks....seriously....so effing boring being an only child. Maybe a sibling has "pros and cons" but seriously the pros seem to outnumber the cons. Sickening to see the same place, the same four walls, the same bed, the same faces. No excitement wadsoever in any sense. geez....gotta go my father wants me to eat supper. P.S. supper makes people fat(hu seriously cares)!

2007-08-05T15:19:00.000+08:00

Alright...how do i get on with is post. Had no major achievements(cant believe i dunno how to spell achievements is it achievements or achievments.....)whatsoever ever since the retarded maths test where i expected to fail but instead got 17 outta 20. Heck it was easier than expected. So ya...shud be getting back my geog tmr which i am almost 100% sure that i will fail. Okay maybe CK is influencing me(i seriously hope not) but i seem to have a knack of being late for events nowadays. GULP....past few days sucked....sigh. Got my hair cut today....if u ask me i look retarded....(dun comment on it). Concert coming up and ya....not exactly "ready" for it yet. Seemed so long a week ago and poof its 10 days from now. So gonna die though. Or maybe yesterday was just a bad day.....but it seemed as if we totally sucked during yesterday's practice. Wads the bloody point of keeping us from 10 to 4.20? If u ask me, we sounded better on friday. Pointless dammit to hold us back till 420. Why anyway does it seem as if we've improved???? Bloody hell NO. If it did, i'll have no god damn complaints but juz by listening to us playing....do u ppl really like that? Im not referring to anybody though. Just voicing out random thoughts in my head. Sigh or maybe cuz im too stressed out and rebellious for now. a "phase" through my life? We'll see....sigh better end of the post before it gets vulgar......

2007-07-25T20:46:00.000+08:00

wow...its alr the 25th and i've done nth constructive....maybe i need to go out more....or maybe get a job.Down with the student body! Rise anarchists! Damn....gimmme a better life and i might just...JUST...excel and succeed(geez...got so caught up with the double cc and ee that i almost put the double dd as well..sigh). Okay...im hardly touching the flute nowadays whic obviously is a bad thing. I seem neither good in my studies or in any other thing i do. I actually slept in sch...like that has nvr repeat plus emphasis NVR slept in sch b4 today. Juz can't bloody concentrate....which reminds me that there's band tmr...surpised nobody has called me to tell me that or remind me which seems to be a better word since i alr know that apparent topic...ah well. Fin reading Potter....which seemed awfully lovely since its the last one. Delightfully addictive. So....the unfortunate bit...sch tmr...damn...gottalive with it sadly. So im going....gonna practise long notes WEEEEE....!

2007-07-18T20:25:00.000+08:00

Past few days suck. Okay band blah de blah school blah blah nuts much to blog bout. Band is getting more boring nowadays....preferred last year though. Way more fun....might be becuz of the "tension" in the band room. Ah nuts. Practised same old things again....obviously since we're not near perfect or even good yet. Ya well sch sucks lately as well. Juz cant seem to get my mind focused on anything nowadays. Seem to be dozing of in class even in those which i previously liked....wth is with this major change in me! Or maybe i juz cant get adapted to life after the holidays yet....but that cant be right since holidays were over a bloody month ago....sad. I was nvr a very versatile person. Neither can i excel in my trade...so WTH am i good for!!! Things keep getting worse and worse. I am neither here nor there....caught in the middle. Wat a bloody dilemma! ARGH!!! My mind juz keeps wandering off to some retarded slumber land or spasticity. Mood swings? Damn...hopefully life gets more fun, enjoyable, enlightening and bloody hell meaningfull! DAMN.......